Friends to Get Us Through the New Year

Dreaming Big?

A little over a year ago, I wrote a Spark article called “Dreaming Big in the New Year.” It was Becky’s idea, part of a series, which I believe several other people contributed to as well. It was all about the projects we were planning for 2024, the challenges we wanted to take on, and the grand things we were hoping to accomplish. I outlined three or four different things that I had on my agenda and was really excited about.

Just recently, I pulled up that article again and reread it. And do you know how many of those things I actually managed to accomplish in 2024?

Zero. Not a single one.

Don’t get me wrong, I did plenty of other things last year. I had a number of cool adventures and brought several awesome projects to life. But none of them were the things that had been on my list. None of them were the goals that I had been so excited about a year previously.

So what happened? Well, there were several factors, but the main one was just that I didn’t have the resources I needed to do them justice. I talked about that a little bit in my previous article: opting to forgo my epic puppet project for the time being, because I’d rather take the time and do it right than rush to put up something mediocre just to meet an arbitrary deadline. This was true not only of my puppet project, The Pound-a-Line Poet but also of a fairytale script called The Six Servants, which I have been working on and revising for years in order to get it stage ready, only to realize that it’s way too complicated for any of the stages I have access to.

In both cases, I stand by my decision to hold off. I’d rather wait until I have the resources. But at the same time, continuing to wait isn’t going to yield me any more resources. If I just keep saying, “I’m not ready,” then I’ll never be ready. So what do I have to do to get those resources that I need, to make my pet projects a reality? Where do I find what I need?

Here’s the thing: I actually probably DO have the resources I need to put these projects in motion. I’m not currently in possession of them. But what I am in possession of is a lot of really cool, talented, and creative friends. And they are the most valuable resource I—or any of us—have.

Going It Alone

I’m not a big fan of asking others for help. In fact, in my experience, it’s a thing most people don’t care for. I’m always worried that I’m imposing on them. I’ve got my problems that I’m dealing with, but at the same time, they’ve got their problems that they’re dealing with. They’re busy with their own lives. How impudent am I to ask them to deal with my stuff on top of their own?

Plus, society can make us feel like we should be able to handle everything solo. “Hustle culture” tells us that if we’re not working 24/7 to make our dreams come true, then they never will, and we’ll have nobody to blame but ourselves. And if there are things we can’t do, then we’re somehow deficient, or not worthy. We don’t have what it takes.

That is, to quote Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a load of dingo’s kidneys. No matter what it is you do, nobody can do it alone. We need each other. We rely on each other. This has been a recurring theme throughout almost every Spark article I’ve written, but it still bears repeating: the only way any of us is getting through this life is together.

Not only that but helping each other and getting help from each other makes what we do better. Even if you can, technically, “go it alone,” on whatever you’re working on, it doesn’t mean you should. Adding different talents, and different perspectives into the mix can add depth to the project and help take it to the next level. Plus, fewer things for each person to worry about means everyone can better focus on the thing they’re doing and ultimately do it better.

Working Together in Art and in Life

This applies to more than just artistic projects, too. Just about every aspect of our lives is made better with help from friends. 2024 was a difficult year for a lot of us, filled with some major obstacles and some major losses. 2023 was, too. Honestly, I can’t imagine anyone disagreeing when I say that every year since 2020 has been way more difficult, way more full of hardships and challenges than any of us has been prepared for. Personally, I don’t know how I would have gotten through the last few years without a support system of friends who have my back.

Many of those friends come from Epiphany Space, as well as my church friends, my theater friends, and others. They’ve been there when I needed them most and helped me through some difficult times and challenging situations.

Sometimes that help has come in the form of giving me or helping me to get some concrete thing that I need. Other times it’s helpful advice. A lot of the time, it’s just somebody to talk to, or who will provide a much-needed distraction when things are overwhelming. There are all different things that we need and all different ways to help the people we care about, and they’re all important and necessary for getting through this life.

Getting Help

Even knowing all of that, it can still be difficult to ask for help when we need it. Much as I talk about how we all need to stick together and help one another, I still struggle with approaching others with the things that I need. However, while it’s true that I don’t like asking for help, it’s also true that I love providing help when I can. If someone I care about needs something, nothing gives me more pleasure than being able to give it to them or help them to get it. They feel good, I feel good… Everybody wins.

Except that not only do most people not like asking for help, a lot of people also don’t like accepting help. They don’t want to impose. So when I say, “Can I do anything to help?” the most common answer is, “No, it’s OK. I’m good.” And then they keep struggling to go it alone. It can be frustrating, for them and for me.

And I get it. I tend to give the same response, whenever someone offers help to me. They’re probably just being nice. Or they may think they want to help now, but once they actually start to do what I’ve asked them to do, they’ll resent it, and me. What if I ask too much, or ask them too often, and end up overstepping my bounds? I’d better save the request for when I really, REALLY need it.

Another Possibility

Consider this, though: What if you’re not imposing? What if they do mean it? What if someone has the means to give you what you need, and they genuinely want to do it? What if helping one another, rather than making us resentful, actually allows us to bond with one another and bring us closer together?

Moreover, what if helping you actually helps them too? What if the person you ask to be part of your project has been looking for a project to be part of? What if you’re not demanding someone’s time and talents of them for free, but giving them an opportunity to work on something they love and hone their craft? Or what if, somewhere down the line, they need something that you can provide, but they never would have thought to ask before you made that connection?

If someone offers to help you, it means they genuinely want to help—whether it’s something big or small, they’re willing to take on a task that will lessen the load. If you ask them and they don’t want to help you, they can always say no. And yes, often people will say no. But in my experience, once you do actually ask, they’ll say yes more often than you think. If they say no, you can always ask somebody else.

Also keep in mind, that if they do say yes, and especially if they’re the ones offering, it means that they genuinely want to help. If helping somehow causes them to resent you, that’s on them. (Also, in general, helping people tends to make us like them more, not less, so unless you’re deliberately taking advantage of them or abusing their goodwill, the chances of them harboring resentment are very low.)

So here’s a challenge for you. For all of us. Let’s make 2025 the year that we don’t “go it alone.” Let’s make it the year that we all work together. The year we all ask each other for help and provide each other with help. The year that we nurture our relationships, our connections, and our communities and realize that we’re stronger together than we are by ourselves. And then let’s continue doing that, more and more, every year after that. Because the more we stick together, the more we help each other, the more we rely on each other… The better things will be for all of us.