Together We Thrive

You know that feeling when the LAST thing you want to do is be around other people? Sometimes that’s because you really need to be around other people. Sure, there are times when you gotta go solo to refuel or self-care. But sometimes what we are really craving is connection.

There is a synergy that happens when we are around others. That’s why coworking spaces exist. Well, that and it can be hard to get any work done if you could make yourself a sandwich instead.  But many of us learned during the pandemic lockdown that if you don’t connect with others, it can be very easy to stagnate. Watching TV can be so engrossing that you can look up and realize that you’ve puttered months away. But time with other people? That’s when things happen.

Here's an example. My friend Derek REALLY didn’t want to go out, but he admitted he probably needed to and asked me to nudge him (that’s what friends are for). He’s a devout introvert and didn’t want to be at the party. All evening he hung back and didn’t talk to anyone.

“I just feel so awkward. What do I even say?”

So, I offered this. “Before the end of the night just walk up to one person and be honest as you say, ‘Hi, I’m Derek, and I’m awkward at parties.’”

He protested but agreed and right before we were about to leave, he did just that.  The person laughed, introduced themselves, and agreed that they felt the same way.  We stayed at the party for another hour while the two laughed and talked.

10 YEARS LATER THEY ARE STILL FRIENDS!

We need connection. We need to be pushed when we might give up on ourselves. So, half of the lesson from this is—put yourself out there.

The other half is deeper. 

It’s the fact that being open, letting down our walls, and being honest about who we are and how we feel doesn’t scare people away-- it draws them to us.

You see—THAT WHICH IS MOST PERSONAL IS MOST UNIVERSAL.

Read that again. The things that we hide the most, the things we think are going to leave us scared and alone are the best way to connect with others. Because they probably feel the exact same way. Having the courage to reveal the things that scare us, excite us, the things that make us US brings others closer.

Humans crave community (even if we hate social gatherings). That’s why there are churches, Masons, and fraternities. We get more done; there’s more momentum to life. And it can be easier to look out for others than ourselves; we have more perspective for someone else’s situation than our own. If only we’ll listen to our friends the next time they say we deserve better than the person we are dating! We’ll work on that one. But having people around us creates a system of support— be it meeting up for taco Tuesdays or a crew from around the world we play a video game with. Life means more together, even for introverts.

I do belong to a coworking group. I joined because I was working on my MFA thesis, and I was ABSOLUTELY failing at getting it done. I’d sit around at home and think about it and how I should be doing it. I’d be disciplined and not have the television on or not let myself make snacks. 

I’d focus. And it sucked. Even though the topic interested me tremendously. 

I like writing! But nothing was coming out. I joined a coworking space and got more done on the first day there than I had in two weeks alone. Here’s the weird thing— I hadn’t even talked to anyone yet. I was just in a room with other people. 

That makes no sense! But it worked. 

Just being around others created an energy, a spark, that got my engine going. Eventually, I got around to asking people things instead of Googling them and the conversations started; creating fire from those sparks. My paper wasn’t really writing itself; it was as alive as the space between people, and it was waiting to be captured like paint hitting a canvas. To continue that metaphor, you could wave around paint-covered brushes all day but unless they make a connection with something the colors never get seen.

With others you get seen, your presence is felt as you feel them.

I’m a theatre creator and I’ve found something crazy. I could write and rehearse a play for years, thinking of every possible scenario from every angle and the show would STILL change when it was performed in front of an audience; with things I would have never thought of in a thousand years of work alone. How can that be?! 

I’m not talking about after a Q&A where people offer ideas afterward or something. I mean the moment it’s performed in front of people there is something in the air that is inexplicable that makes new things happen. I suppose you must be open to hearing them. The performers could ignore all the magical in-the-air energy from the audience and just do what they had practiced but if they are listening to what the audience is giving them: laughter, applause, sniffs, and coughs, it WILL change. There may be a change in how lines are delivered, spaces for words to breathe, or if the situation allows, fully new lines may come out of the air. Just from being in the room with new people.

Together we thrive. There is a kind of magic that happens when we aren’t alone.

So the next time your couch calls out to you but you know you need more, walk up to that stranger and say something like, “I told my friend that I would get off my couch tonight and say hi to one person. Hi.”